Last night my husband had to nudge me twice to leave my computer and join the family on the couch. This wasn't the first time, and it almost certainly won't be the last.
"The only way to find permanent joy is by embracing the fact that nothing is permanent." Martha Beck
For me, one of the struggles is living in the present.
We are always thinking about our past and our future, even when we're in the present. The present so quickly becomes the past. Achieving full presence is incredibly difficult.
What I've Learned in Medicine
Being a physician, I recognized that some of the individuals who may be able to live in the present best are those who have experienced significant loss or are facing loss in the near future. Even then, can they truly forget about the future?
One of the patients I remember most vividly was an older gentleman who had cancer twice already and was just diagnosed for a third time. He was a fighter in every sense of the word.
I didn't have the opportunity to get to know him before his third diagnosis. I don't know what he was like then or how the other two battles with cancer changed him. I was able to witness in him a conviction to live life to its fullest when he was diagnosed.
There was no moment of shock or fear of the future. He immediately began planning the year ahead, full of everything he wanted to do and see. This was not a race or a bucket list motivated by a fear of running out of time. It was a true desire to take every opportunity to live in the moment.
I had the chance to see him for what would be the last time, just after returning from one of his trips. As ill as he looked, he didn't seem to feel it. He was in a constant state of joy over what he had accomplished in life.
The more time I spend in medicine, seeing the journeys my patients have taken through their illnesses, the losses they have had or feared they would have, the more I recognize how important it is to live in the moment.
The Quote That Changed How I See My Days
I read something about a year ago that has stuck with me:
"Live every day with your kids such that you would not want to go back and live that day differently."
Before reading this, I did not know how to conceptualize embracing the importance of being present with my kids. Somehow this quote created an image in my mind that has changed my perspective on switching gears.
The Planner's Problem
I do not consider myself a live-in-the-moment kind of person. I've always been a planner, thinking ahead toward my next goal. So living in the present has always been "what do I need to do now to succeed later?" and not "how do I enjoy now while not jeopardizing future success?"
When I work, I tend to multitask, splitting my attention across many different things. I enjoy working this way. Sometimes I catch myself treating "being present" with my family as one more task I can juggle, rather than actually being present with my mind and energy only on us.
Last Night, On the Couch
Last night we decided to watch one of the Spider-Man movies as a family. I was at my makeshift desk next to the family room, typing away. I needed a nudge, or two, from my husband to put everything down and join them on the couch.
My mental load is constantly heavy, and in some ways I think I thrive on that. Being truly present requires me to put all of my work and my thoughts down for the moment and focus on just one thing: my family.
I constantly have to remind myself to try to be fully present when I am with them.
That reminder, the act of choosing to close the laptop, to move to the couch, to just be there, is what helps me recognize, more than any single moment of living in the present itself, what I have to be joyful about.
put it down. just be there.I can't say the Spider-Man movie was my favorite film ever.
But my memory of spending that time together,
and the quiet certainty that I would not have wanted to replay that night any differently,
is all I need.
If you're a planner who has to remind yourself to put the laptop down, you're not alone. The reminder itself is part of the practice. If you'd like a thinking partner to help you build a life where presence is more than an afterthought, that's some of the work I do as a coach. Book a free discovery call if you'd like to talk.
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