Pessimism is often confused for realism. It can keep us from pursuing paths we are absolutely capable of navigating, even before we've begun. Why does this happen, and what can we do to prevent it?
Both pessimism and realism involve acknowledging the facts, whether current obstacles or potential ones. The fundamental difference lies in how we respond to those facts.
Realism is about accurate assessment of the facts without the emotion. We start with facts, consider our options, and assess the probabilities of various outcomes before coming to a conclusion.
Pessimism is the product of cognitive bias. The facts are twisted through an emotional prism in our mind. Instead of unemotionally assessing the facts, our brain skips straight to the worst-case scenarios and treats them as what will likely happen.
Pessimism can come from our own minds as we reflect on a situation. It can come in response to someone else's comments. It can come as our reaction to someone else's truly pessimistic view.
How to Tell the Difference in Your Own Thinking
The appropriate reaction using realism is to create questions to help guide you:
What would I need to raise my chances of succeeding? What are my alternatives? Am I satisfied with taking an alternative route? Who else has done this with a profile like mine and succeeded? How did they achieve it? Am I able to take those same steps?
Pessimism, by contrast, generates conclusions:
"This won't work for someone like me."
Responding to Feedback From Others
Suppose instead of reflecting on your own, you went to a colleague, advisor, or mentor for advice. How would you respond to their comments?
Realistic feedback:
"That transition is difficult. Most people need a gap year, several more publications, etc., to build a strong application."
Pessimistic feedback:
"With your profile your chances are pretty low. I haven't yet seen a student with your profile succeed in this."
The "And" Test
Can you add "and" to their statement and continue to constructively assess your options?
- "The barriers are X, Y, and Z" = pessimism
- "The barriers are X, Y, and Z" AND "here's what you'd need to address" = realism
What Is Said Is Not Usually What We Hear
Most advisors are not being pessimistic. They're giving you data, probabilities, and options. But when we are already spiraling in self-doubt, we filter realistic feedback through our emotional state and add the pessimism ourselves.
The advisor said: "Your GPA is below the median for the programs on your list."
Your fear added: "You're not smart enough for medical school."
The advisor said: "Dermatology is extremely competitive with average board scores."
Your fear added: "You'll never have the career you have worked so hard for."
The advisor said: "This path is going to take you an additional 1 to 2 years of training and work."
Your fear added: "You're going to fail and waste your medical degree."
A 4-Step Method for When Feedback Makes You Want to Quit
- Write down exactly what was said. Word for word if possible, but at least summarize with key phrases, statements, and facts.
- Write down how you felt after hearing this. What emotions came out?
- Look for the gap. Compare your responses for #1 and #2. What words did you add as a result of your emotions? Are these interpretations or are they facts?
- Ask yourself: did they say "can't" or did they say "here's what it would require"?
When you notice yourself spiraling, return to the facts:
- What data was I actually given?
- What options did they present?
- What questions did they ask me?
- What questions can I ask myself?
Your Emotions Are Valid. They Just Shouldn't Drive the Car.
Don't misinterpret emotions causing conflation of realism and pessimism. Your emotions are 100% valid. It's important to recognize and listen to them. Fear and uncertainty are normal. We just shouldn't allow these emotions to drive our decisions from rational to irrational.
Program admission and match rates are probabilities based on facts, not destinies. They are bell curves, with some candidates who were unlikely to be admitted ending up being a fit, and "perfect" applicants not being what the program was truly looking for.
Statistically speaking, the realistic assessment may be that you are unlikely to succeed with your current profile. So ask yourself:
- Am I willing to do what it will take to raise my chances, knowing there is no such thing as a "slam dunk" profile?
- Do I have a plan B that I would be truly happy with, not just settle for?
- What would I need to do to feel satisfied that it is time to move to plan B?
That approach isn't pessimism. It's realism, reflection, and logical action.
don't let pessimism light the wrong pathDon't let pessimism from others, or your own pessimistic prism, illuminate the wrong path.
You decide what you're willing to do.
You decide what trade-offs you'll accept.
You decide when, how long, and how hard to push forward, and when to pivot.
If you've received feedback that you initially heard as pessimistic but later realized was realistic, or feedback that genuinely was pessimistic and you had to navigate around it, that's exactly the kind of work I do with clients. Coaching can help you separate the data from the doubt. Book a free discovery call to talk it through.
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